The Weight of October

 

There is a tiredness that comes from feeling so much;

Every grain of salt living in the ocean's mist,

The wind ruffling the feathers of a sea gull in flight,

The shadows that hide in the minuscule crow's feet of my eyes.

 

I feel an invisible hand on the swell of my left breast,

seeking to find my faintly beating heart.

Its weight so light, it feels as if it will crush me--invisibility does that.

You would think its burden to be feathery, not overwhelming.

 

There are moments when words fail a poet,

when paint and canvas do not motivate an artist,

times when music falls on deaf ears, the magic lost.

I cannot for the life of me find beauty in my surroundings.

 

The subtle shades of summer fade into autumn fire.

I feel its death in the air through the slight shift in temperature.

October is here with its colorful floor show,

the spotlight on fire and gold with frosty coatings--beauty sublime.

 

October and its chilly hand fingers my soul, heavy stone of autumn.

I will lie underneath a maple tree, letting the leaves cover me

until I am a new hue of autumn, vibrant in ruby and maize.

Maybe if i become an extension of its beauty, I'll feel this tiredness leave me.

 

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Sometimes I am overwhelmed with my life. Oh most can't tell. I somehow maintain a smile and a laugh. My hair and makeup crisply fresh and masking my inner strife.

Mainly this happens in October. So looms another birthday, the almost end of the year and a reminder that I haven't done all I wanted to do this year. I feel as if I am in a beautiful enclosed garden with grapevines and flowers...stone benches that encourage me to sit around and enjoy the beauty of my world. But instead of doing that, all I can focus on is a bird flying overhead, so free...and I long to take flight.

 

Boy am I rambling today or what. But last night I felt the pressure of hopelessness crush me and did the only thing a poet can do...that is write it out. Today I feel much better. I am wearing my true face, not the one I hide behind when I am in turmoil. I think that's a good thing...being able to relax and maybe finding some joy in the day in whatever form it arrives in.