I know I mention Al alot. It's not that I'm still in love with him...it's that he was a big impact on my life for over 4 years. We had similiar life experiences, sorrows and dreams of the future. Unlike my previous ex-fiance`, our relationship was intensely soulful, and not very physical at times.
Isn't it amazing what a person brings to a relationship? Charles opened my eyes sexually. He was a carnal addict. There weren't too many stones left unturned. In me, he had a partner who was willing to explore, yet he couldn't stay faithful. It was as if I had made him into a Sex God with my constant petting of his ego (though his package was very small), he thought he was every woman's desire. When I finally couldn't take it anymore and broke up with him, he went out and tried to sow his 'seeds,' only to find that none of the other's thought his skill was as superb as I did. (well love can be blind).
And then there was Al. I learned that I can't rescue people. That everyone has to find peace inside themselves and learn to live with their demons. But mainly I learned that love can't solve every problem. The person who said "love conquers all" was lying. It doesn't!
There are times when I miss him. When I'm reading at night in a quiet house... we used to read together, sitting on his couch. Usually my leg was over his or he was leaning forward with me rubbing his back lightly as we read. Every once in a while, we would pause, smile and he would say, "I'm glad you're here Sher Bare." There was a closeness that is hard to define...and now as I look back I am wistful.
I know that in the incoming days, I'll be thinking of Al and of our past and thoughts will creep in ...those "What if ..." kind. But I know that I'll not act on them and I'll remind myself that the reason they're slipping in is because the anniversery of my miscarriage approaches. And no matter how hard I try not to think about it... the sadness will slip around my heart. I refuse to stifle the sadness and pretend the reason I'm sad doesn't exist. One thing I learned from Al was how to embrace my demons.
Isn't it amazing what a person brings to a relationship? Charles opened my eyes sexually. He was a carnal addict. There weren't too many stones left unturned. In me, he had a partner who was willing to explore, yet he couldn't stay faithful. It was as if I had made him into a Sex God with my constant petting of his ego (though his package was very small), he thought he was every woman's desire. When I finally couldn't take it anymore and broke up with him, he went out and tried to sow his 'seeds,' only to find that none of the other's thought his skill was as superb as I did. (well love can be blind).
And then there was Al. I learned that I can't rescue people. That everyone has to find peace inside themselves and learn to live with their demons. But mainly I learned that love can't solve every problem. The person who said "love conquers all" was lying. It doesn't!
There are times when I miss him. When I'm reading at night in a quiet house... we used to read together, sitting on his couch. Usually my leg was over his or he was leaning forward with me rubbing his back lightly as we read. Every once in a while, we would pause, smile and he would say, "I'm glad you're here Sher Bare." There was a closeness that is hard to define...and now as I look back I am wistful.
I know that in the incoming days, I'll be thinking of Al and of our past and thoughts will creep in ...those "What if ..." kind. But I know that I'll not act on them and I'll remind myself that the reason they're slipping in is because the anniversery of my miscarriage approaches. And no matter how hard I try not to think about it... the sadness will slip around my heart. I refuse to stifle the sadness and pretend the reason I'm sad doesn't exist. One thing I learned from Al was how to embrace my demons.
dribbled by Sherrie @ 10/27/2004 04:50:00 PM
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