Brimstone and Fire Religion

(an old journal post--that I'm posting here. I was in a debate earlier today about the church invasion downtown. 99% of these new churches are splits from other churches. It seems that instead of working out problems, they are divorcing each other and creating new churches.)

 

I grew up attending a Fire and Brimstone Southern Baptist Church. I lived an eighth of a mile away from it. I could see it from the yard.  In fact, we (My step-sisters, Lisa and me) cleaned it on Saturdays, until I was 12.  My job was dusting the pews and making sure the hymn books were in place.

When Dad left us, I was 5. A year or so later, Mom remarried a man old enough to be her father. He had three teenage daughters at home. Almost like the Brady Bunch but different. Those years we spent living on the farm while Ellis (my step-father) was alive were some of the happiest times of my life. It was during these years that prayer and the importance of believing in God were instilled in my brain.

I loved going to Church. My Sunday school teachers were good people who made the lessons understandable. The Preachers that we had all were a bit intimidating to a degree. They were prone to running around when the Spirit moved them. Many folks shouted Amen's and some would even do their own form of Spiritual dancing. I would watch and think to myself that one day when I was older that I would be jumping around singing the Lord's praises too.

I sang in the children's choir and then in the youth choir. I felt God in me when I sang. I could sing sweeter than any angel. Above Heaven is where song would take me.  I eventually went on to direct the children's choir when I was 13. I did this until I reached 18. The only reason I stopped was because the church hired a music director. I kept singing in the young adult choir. I felt closest to God when I sang.

Working with the children in the Church, also made me feel God. I taught the 5 and 6 year old kids for about 3 years. I started when I was 15. I tried to explain how God was in everything that we do and think and feel. We just have to take notice. With my artistic skills, we drew and painted and made all kinds of unique things to help them understand the lessons we studied.

Then after, high school I started working full time at a nursing home plus attended Pembroke State University (UNC-P) full time. I had to give up my Sunday school class and cut back some of my attendance. That was the year that I found out that Churches are institutions where if one's lucky, God lives in.

I always thought that everyone around me were dedicated Godly Christians. Yes, we had a few token backsliders, as all churches do. But the summer of 1982, my Godly Church had a big scandal with the Preacher and a few of the older college age girls. On top of it, folks thought that the music director wasn't making the choir sing as good as his paycheck sang. They declared that I did a better job with the children's choir. I wasn't there to help most of the time due to working Sundays and also it wasn't his fault that the ones singing weren't angelic sounding.

People that were once good Christians in my eyes were suddenly spiteful and mean gossips. The church split with many of our members fighting and not speaking to each other. Even my own relatives were spitting our vile and rude comments about other members. My uncle and his family moved to another church as many others did too.

I remember going to Sunday school and preaching during this time and feeling the tension in the air. I tried to sing and didn't reach the above Heaven status that I had always felt since childhood. I realized as I sang, with tears in my eyes that God wasn't in our church anymore. The Devil had slipped in during the arguments and discord. I quit going to church.

A month or so later, I moved to Greenville and began going to ECU. I tried churches but could never find God in them. I could never recapture that feeling I was so used to in any of the churches and still can't find it today. Over the last 15 years, the studio has worked with different churches in putting together church directories. In 90%, we got caught in crossfire from the divisions within the church. Now as I drive by different churches, I can't help but wonder what evils lurk in the walls. Maybe I'm being pessimistic. But its how I feel

I used to worry about not attending church. But now, I don't. God is where you are if you believe.