A joke I head and a joke I told

Julia, a friend of ours came by the studio to drop off some pictures of her children. She wants me to do an 8 x 10, 3 1/2 x 5 and a sheet of wallets on each kid.

"Can you remember that? Don't you need to write it down?" She asked me.

"Nope, I can remember."

"Did I ever tell you my 'write it down' joke?" Julia has a very dry voice--nothing girly about it. She's a 'don't-fuck-with-me-or-I'll-shoot-you' kind of woman. Not a trailer trash type ...more on the lines of those Femme Fatale women of the James Bond movies. lol Sexy but with no nonsense. I was interested in the kind of joke she would tell.

"No, tell me."

She rolls her eyes. Probably because its long and she doesn't want to 'fuck' with telling it. "There was an old woman who couldn't remember shit. So she goes to her doctor and he tells her she's fine but it's a good idea to write whatever she wants to remember down.

So she does. One night her and her husband were watching tv and he announced that he wanted some ice cream. She says she'll go get it.
He said," You better write it down."
She said,"I'll remember that."
He said, "Well I want whipped cream and chocolate, so you better write it down."
"No I can remember it."
"I also want nuts... aren't you going to write this down? And I want a banana...you better write it down."
She said, "I can remember that."

She goes to the kitchen and she's in there a long time. He starts to get worried. Just as he was about to go check on her, she comes into the room with a plate with two fried eggs on it. The husband goes fucking ballistic.
"See, you should have written it down. You forgot my bacon."

I laughed. "Hey has anyone told you a Christmas joke yet?"
"No, do you know one?"
"Yea, I'll tell you the first Christmas joke of the season."
"Fucking A, go for it."

"Three men die on Christmas Eve and St. Peter greets them at the Pearly Gates. He tells them, "In honor of this Special Night, you must show me something that symbolizes Christmas before you can gain entrance into Heaven."
The first guy pulls out some keys from his pants pocket and shakes them. 'These are bells.'
The second guy pulls out... damn, what did he pull out.. oh man I forgot... hey, let's say 2 men die, not three."
(At this point Julia laughs... not at the joke but at me for messing it up. But I don't waiver, I continue on.)
"So the last guy searches his pockets and all he can find is a pair of women's panties. St Peter raises an eyebrow and asks, 'What do those symbolize?'
The man smiles and says 'Oh they're Carols.'"

Julia laughs. "You forgot part of the joke, didn't you?"
"Yea, I can't believe I forgot it."
"Well, Sher you should have written it down."